Barbara the Bacon Bandit Says:

I should have known something was wrong when Max didn’t bark at 11:47 a.m.

See, Max has a schedule. Every single day, the mailman arrives at exactly 11:47, and Max loses his absolute mind. It’s like clockwork. He sprints to the front window, plants his paws on the sill, and unleashes a symphony of barks that could wake the dead. It’s his purpose. His calling. His reason for existing.

But today? Silence.

I was in the kitchen making lunch when I noticed the mail had already been delivered. It was only 10:30. Apparently, our mailman decided to switch up his route today, and Max—who had been napping peacefully in his favorite sunny spot—completely missed it.

When he finally woke up and realized what had happened, I watched his entire world crumble. He ran to the window. He checked the door. He looked at me with pure devastation in his eyes, as if to say, “How could you let this happen?”

I tried to comfort him. “Buddy, it’s okay. The mailman will come again tomorrow.”

He walked away and flopped down in the corner with the heaviest sigh I’ve ever heard. For the rest of the day, he moped. No zoomies. No toy squeaking. Just pure, unfiltered disappointment.

From Max’s Perspective:

This is, without question, the worst day of my entire life.

I had ONE JOB. One! Bark at the mailman. Protect the house from the daily mail invasion. Let that guy know that THIS IS MY TERRITORY and he better watch himself.

But did I get to do my job today? NO. Because apparently, the mailman decided to come EARLY. Who does that? Who just changes the schedule without telling anyone? There are RULES. There is ORDER. And today, that order was destroyed.

I was having the best dream, too. I was chasing squirrels in a field made entirely of tennis balls. And then I woke up, stretched, and wandered over to my post by the window to prepare for my 11:47 duties.

That’s when I saw it. The mail. Already in the box. The mailman’s truck—GONE.

I have failed. I am a disgrace to dogs everywhere. What’s the point of even having a window if I can’t bark at the mailman from it?

My human tried to make me feel better, but she doesn’t understand. This isn’t just about barking. This is about HONOR. This is about TRADITION. This is about letting that mailman know I’m watching.

I spent the rest of the day lying in the corner, contemplating my existence. Maybe I’m not cut out for this guard dog life. Maybe I should just give up and become a cat.

The Happy Ending

Just when I thought Max’s day couldn’t be salvaged, I heard the rumble of a truck pulling up outside.

Max’s ears perked up. His head lifted. Could it be?

It was the Saturday, refrigerator and frozen delivery driver, Alexander, from The Hungry Puppy, dropping off our Frozen Primal Beef Nuggets and The Bear and the Rat Pumpkin Flavored Frozen Yogurt, the order I’d placed earlier in the week. And in his hand? The sacred brown biscuit bag.

Max’s eyes went wide. His tail started wagging. This was it. His second chance. His redemption arc.

He LAUNCHED himself at the window and unleashed the most glorious series of barks I’ve ever heard. Alexander, our delivery driver, bless him, he waved and smiled like he understood the importance of this moment.

When I opened the door to grab the package, I was handed the bag of treats with a knowing grin. “For the guard dog,” he said.

I gave Max three biscuits right there on the spot. He crunched them triumphantly, tail wagging so hard his whole body wiggled. Then we sat down with his frozen yogurt and mine! The day was saved. His honor was restored. He had barked at a delivery person, and all was right in the universe again.

As he trotted back to his sunny spot with a biscuit in his mouth, I could practically see the weight lift off his shoulders.

Crisis averted. Barking duties fulfilled. Dog no longer hates me (and Alexander, the delivery driver is officially his favorite person).

Thanks to The Hungry Puppy for the perfectly timed delivery and the sacred brown biscuit bag that saved the day. Free local delivery available—because sometimes your dog needs a win. Shop online or visit our store at 732-938-4470!